By Gary Baran & CNVC

1. Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how you would like to relate
   to yourself and others.
2. Remember that all human beings have the same needs.
3. Check your intention to see if you are as interested in others getting their
   needs met as your own.
4. When asking someone to do something, check first to see if you are making a
   request or a demand.
5. Instead of saying what you DON’T want someone to do, say what you DO want
   the person to do.
6. Instead of saying what you want someone to BE, say what action you’d like
   the person to take that you hope will help the person be that way.

… Read more

Our inner critic is the part of us that generates self judgment. Marshall Rosenberg developed a process of transforming that judgment into awareness of feelings and needs, as behind judgment are unmet needs and pure energy that is waiting to be understood and tapped. We can help clients release that source of energy.

When we support full connection to their needs, we help clients move toward self acceptance, understanding and awareness. Through deep awareness of needs, they come into alignment. Only after that, do we support them in creating strategies to meet their needs. Some common self judgments and underlying needs follow.… Read more

Diagnosing individual behavior or group process can feel intellectually stimulating and can give facilitators a sense of order and comfort. Diagnosis gives us the sense that “this is familiar territory” when in actuality, we’re experiencing a unique moment in time. The practice of labeling individual or group behaviors can generate respect for the facilitator’s intellect, but does it really help the group to build awareness?

Often a clinical shroud falls over the group, the hierarchical divide widens between the person doing the diagnosing and those diagnosed, the group connection weakens, and deeper awareness of the needs of the group is obscured.… Read more

The word “confront” raises alertness, but is often associated with fear. A sweet alternative is the practice of “care-fronting,” a term coined by Sushma Sharma, an organizational consultant in Mumbai India, for confronting with care. This empowering experience wakes people up to something they are not aware of in themselves. The intention is to enhance their well-being or the well-being of others. But how do you do this without being presumptuous (judging what they are not aware of, determining what is in their best interest to become aware of, and raising consciousness about the matter without being asked)? To do this without bullying, nagging, or assuming a stance of superiority involves choosing the intention to support, selecting the depth that clients are open to hearing, and having confidence that they have the desire and ability to do something about it.… Read more

Extracting the Learning

We can facilitate learning by helping people reflect on their experience, uncover insights, share their learning, and apply it to their lives. One way to maintain a balance of structure and flow is to loosely follow the five step debriefing process, dancing with the energy, and weaving in spontaneity. This is an opportunity for them to personalize the learning and the application so that it’s relevant.

How do we draw them out? We can create space for slow processors by asking for some silence after the activity. We can expand on what they said, or what’s important about it.… Read more

Ablism: Discrimination based on a person’s ability, coupled with a belief in the inherent superiority of those who do not have a permanent disability.

Acculturation: A socialization process in which groups of individuals come in continuous and direct contact with each other, resulting in changes in the cultural patterns of either or both groups. In principle, acculturation is a neutral term, but in practice, changes tend to occur less in the dominant culture.⁴

Ally: Someone who recognizes the unearned privilege they receive by being a member of a dominant group, and takes responsibility to bring change to such injustice.… Read more

Individuals can experience power, privilege and rank as a result of the status they have earned through their own endeavors in life such as professional or academic achievement. These markers of status may be relatively obvious and more easily anticipated and worked with. However, power, privilege and rank that come from the social groups that one identifies with or belongs to, can be more subtle and difficult to name and engage. These forms of social power, privilege and rank are not earned; they are something people are born into.

Every social group has its own set of norms, standards, beliefs and values, all of which help to comprise its unique culture.… Read more

Leaders in the social sector feel as though they are climbing Everest with no oxygen, no rest stops, and no base camp. Coaches and facilitators who support the social sector need to understand the unique challenges that leaders face.

Leading in the social sector takes gutsy compassion, and a different skill set than what’s needed in the corporate world. Executive directors work in an environment of perpetual urgency, where ordinary practices are completely suspended, as they work in the thin air of the sector most often referred to as “nonprofit.” EDs have the benefit of staff who are energized by their passion for making a better world, but who quickly become depleted and frustrated by low pay and the slow pace of change. … Read more

Coach: What’s happening?

Anushka: I am feeling very restless.

Coach: What is this restlessness telling you?

Anushka: I don’t know… I wish I knew.

Coach: Where in your body do you feel this restlessness?

Anushka: In my hands…in my feet…

Coach: You shook your hands like you were shaking off something.

Anushka: Yes, it’s this frustration that I am trying to shake off.

Coach: Where do you feel the frustration the most?

Anushka: Around my chest…it’s caging me…it’s like a tight ball

Coach: What’s its texture… its colour?

Anushka: …It’s black … a ball made up of endless string. It’s tying itself up… (silence)

Coach: You spoke much slower than you did a minute ago… What’s happening?… Read more

There’s no denying it, unconscious bias is trendy. It’s so trendy, it’s even become an acronym in some of my circles, known affectionately as “UB.” But as often occurs when a term or concept becomes common or mainstream, myths and misinformation abound: Myth 1: We don’t need to worry anymore about conscious bias or bigotry. We are not “post-racial.” Individual acts of verbal, physical and emotional violence against people due to their real or perceived group membership are still relatively common. One of my least favorite statistics is that the number of active hate groups in the U.S. has increased by 56 percent — to over 900 — since 2000, particularly since President Obama took office in 2008.

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