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At the center of the psyche is the Self, which is compassionate and wise. The Self integrates the work of the parts as they help us to cope, deal with difficulties or protect us from pain. Th e Self is not a part; it acts as a witness or a conductor who becomes increasingly aware of parts and can bring all parts into alignment. The Self sits in the seat of benevolent sovereignty. When the coach helps the client separate parts from the Self, and listens to each, it creates opportunities for choice that benefit the whole system.

According to Schwartz, the Self is the natural leader of the psyche, and different from all the parts.… Read more

Jim Rough developed a transformational approach to wrestle with complex issues which he calls Dynamic Facilitation. A major advantage of this approach is working with participants “as they are.” They don’t have to learn a special language or abide by elaborate ground rules. As facilitators, we create the container for transformation, by taking an active role without being directive. We do this by encouraging people to speak their truth openly while still providing safety for everyone.

By ensuring that participants feel completely understood, they can focus their attention on listening to others. Unlike many styles of facilitation, in this approach we start by asking for solutions.… Read more

At Leadership that Works, we offer the BarOn Emotional Intelligence Assessment because the EI assessment is a powerful catalyst for leadership development and personal growth. Research tells us that a person can simply start noticing a skill and it can improve. Our experienced coaches help you discover how to put your assessment to use immediately to create a more powerful leadership style. 

What is emotional intelligence?

For the past century, intelligence has been measured with IQ, which attempts to indicate one’s cognitive capacity and functioning (one’s ability to learn new things, concentrate and focus, recall information, apply knowledge, think rationally and abstractly and solve problems).… Read more

Curiosity dwells at the center of learning. When we choose to see the world with brand new eyes, we adopt a curious mindset. No matter how negative or perplexing the topic, we can stay open and curious. To do that, we approach our coaching sessions without thinking we know exactly what to do. What might be possible? We can acknowledge whatever is present or alive without being in a hurry to get somewhere else. As we keep company with emotions and get curious, the deeper needs emerge. Without applying pressure, we simply open to what is emerging.

There is no such thing as judgmental curiosity.… Read more

Whether we’re deepening our own self awareness, coaching others, facilitating groups, developing organizations, or leading social change, heart connection is the common denominator in facilitating change. We don’t have to agree to be in synch with others, but if we take off the armor and connect with open hearts, our understanding of each other deepens. Sometimes the opportunity for heart connection sails right by me, but I can still capture the sweetness of missed opportunity in hindsight. I have a story about unexpected learning about heart connection.

When I volunteered to spend three days in a maximum security prison as part of the Alternatives to Violence Project, I expected to be searched by the guards before entering, but didn’t know how much soul searching I’d be doing myself.… Read more

Personal leadership is the process of keeping your vision and values before you and

aligning your life to be congruent with them.— Stephen Covey

Exploring Needs and Values is a powerful way to support clients in “coming home” to themselves. It takes them into their core aliveness, so they can effortlessly connect to what matters most. This in turn enables them to take more aligned action, which brings about greater fulfillment, energy and passion. When you explore their unique expression of needs and values, expect to find more than what is on the surface.

Universal Needs and Values

Everyone is driven by universal needs and values.… Read more

The exciting role of a developmental facilitator is to inspire, lead, and structure the group and at the same time help participants learn to facilitate their own process. Serving as a guide and catalyst, the facilitator with heart helps people focus their energy while fostering learning, creativity, productivity, and ownership.

In traditional facilitation, the facilitator helps a group solve a problem by using process skills. This is a short-term fix where the group depends on the facilitator. By contrast, a developmental facilitation process helps groups function more effectively, now and in the future. The facilitator not only helps the group work on a specific issue, but also uses the opportunity to improve their process, enhancing their own facilitation skills as they go, which reduces dependence on the facilitator.… Read more

Here is an example of how Embracing the Shadow supported an emerging leader to find her unique leadership style. Lucia is in her early 30’s, a Latina woman from an immigrant family, the first in her family to go to college. She is a new Program Director in a large non-profit organization, grappling with creating sound organizational systems without losing the organic grassroots feel of the work.

Lucia: I’m not comfortable being in a leadership position. I’ve always been so critical of leaders. I don’t really have any good role models. Many of the leaders I’ve observed have been very divorced from the work on the ground.… Read more

Most parts do not want or need to be transformed. They just need to be heard. Once clients integrate the information from multiple parts, they can make informed decisions about what changes they wish to make.

Above all else, parts need to be loved exactly as they are. If they get a hint that we are trying to change them, they interpret that as judgment, and rightly so. Coaches can get into trouble if we imply there is anything wrong with the part. One whiff of that and the part feels misunderstood and loses trust.

Once parts are deeply understood, they can relax, and that can be all the transformation they need.… Read more

A wide range of skills gives us multiple options at any moment. To follow are 30 transformational facilitation skills with examples. 

Acknowledging – helping people see things they may not see about their values or needs.

Example: “It sounds like this group cares deeply about team spirit and making a meaningful contribution.”

Articulating – succinctly describing what is happening in the moment and validating the client’s experience.

Example: The group expresses both fear and excitement about confronting the board. You say, “I sense excitement as well as fear and a desire to be understood.” Follow an articulation with an empowering question.… Read more