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Listening to parts is usually very simple as long as we hold respect. Perhaps the trickiest part of the process is noticing when a new part comes into the system. But how do we know if it’s the same part or a different part? The telltale sign is a shift in emotion or energy. The body or the voice might shift too. When a part expresses a radical change in its belief or shifts to holding a new set of values, that’s usually a sign that another part has decided to speak.

If the Strict Parent part suddenly says, “Well maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to give the children more freedom to make their own choices and mistakes,” that’s not the Strict Parent part having an epiphany, it’s the Lenient Parent wanting to be heard.… Read more

In organizational coaching, just as in personal coaching, a transformational approach puts the emphasis toward improving whole systems rather than solving specific problems.

Cultural transformation is a radical form of systemic change that builds on the positive energy that already exists. Instead of condemning past values, norms, beliefs and practices, we identify what is already serving the culture and find ways to expand the life force. We identify the aliveness and collective wisdom by looking deep within and discovering what is already effective in terms of economics, ecology and humanity. We then generate solutions that tap collective wisdom.

Lynn Twist does innovative work as a social entrepreneur with the Pachamama Alliance.… Read more

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. — Eleanor RooseveltImagine your ideal life. Close your eyes and let your imagination soar. What does the future hold that’s exciting and fulfilling for you? What difference do you long to make in your life, for your family or in the world? Visioning helps get to the heart of these questions and more. In moving toward your vision, mysteries begin to unfold and dreams come to life. As the first step in the process of creation and world-changing work, visioning unleashes passion and offers new possibilities. Visioning sets the stage for creative action for individuals, corporate teams and communities alike—establishing the blueprint for creating compelling personal, organizational and social change.… Read more

Prepare for the session

1) Take a moment to self-connect, remember your coach’s stand and set your intention to serve your client.

2) Connect with your client.

3) Get clear about your client’s intention for the session.

4) Explain the purpose of Embracing the Shadow—to create space for parts to be acknowledged.

5) Ensure that your client is ready to begin.

Begin the session

1) Identify a part that would like to be understood more fully.

2) Get permission from the protectors to talk to the part.

3) Ask the client to move to a new place in the room to embody that part.… Read more

How do we add more variety in our debrief process? The same way we want variety in our coaching, the debriefing process is enhanced when we create space for the unexpected. If you’re tired of some version of “What did you learn?” Let’s explore some other options.

Several debriefing models follow.

Thiagi: Sequencing the debrief

• How do you feel?
• What happened?
• What did you learn?
• How does it relate?
• What if?
• What next?

Borton: Shifting from analytic to contemplative to action

• What?
• So what?
• Now What?

What: hard driving, pointed, sharp, logical, tough, rigorous

So what: contemplation

Now what: action

Priest & Gass Debriefing Funnel: Expands on Borton’s 3 questions in their Debriefing Funnel:

• Review
• Recall and Remember
• Affect and Effect
• Summation
• Application
• Commitment

Greenaway: This model generates higher involvement and higher quality discussions, useful when you really want to land the learning deeply.… Read more

The human spirit and the human condition improve when people hear each other deeply.

Listening is foundational to the coaching process. The three levels of listening are self-focused listening, client-focused listening and transformation-focused listening.

Self-focused listening

Self-focused listening includes paying attention to our thoughts, body, emotions and intuition. When we bring awareness to what is happening within, in the moment, we recognize the choice to shift from reaction and judgment to the wisdom of the entire body-mind system. This heightened awareness makes intuition more accessible.

For instance, in the middle of a session, if we notice tension or we start thinking about a conflict from yesterday, we can bring our attention into the tension and the body lets go.… Read more

Brought up as a woman in India, the concept of my own needs seemed alien. I had learned to be a pleaser; the role and identity of being a caregiver came with ease. At one point I felt completely drained. Parts of myself suddenly needed care and called out for my attention.

The pathway of Exploring Needs and Values came to life as I reached inward for empathy and uncovered my hidden needs. Slowing down, spending time listening to the core needs of conflicting parts, my energy shifted. I felt more spacious within. Diff erent parts weren’t at war, and the possibility of them co­existing emerged.… Read more

The beauty of Embracing the Shadow is that we create opportunities for inclusion. As a result, people develop a loving relationship with themselves and others. This radical approach to coaching includes deep listening and gratitude for the role each part plays.

The human psyche has many parts, which are natural and healthy. All parts of the psyche have a positive intent, even parts that are stuck in contentious roles. As coaches, we listen for the noble purpose of all parts, regardless of their role. We listen to parts the same way we listen to people, picking up on their longing for transformation.… Read more

Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety. And at such a moment, unable to see and not daring to imagine what the future will now bring forth, one clings to what one knew, or dreamed that one possessed. Yet, it is only when a man is able, without bitterness or self-pity, to surrender a dream he has long cherished or a privilege he has long possessed that he is set free — he has set himself free — for higher dreams, for greater privileges.… Read more

Whether you’re the big boss at work or the head of the family at home, it’s important for you to have authority and confidence. Leading isn’t just about getting to success, it’s about finding the best ways to get there and knowing how to utilize your team. As the owner and CEO of a drug rehabilitation center, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to truly inspire people and work together toward progress. Here are a few tips on becoming an effective leader at work, at home, or in life:

Communicate

I know, it’s not really a life-altering idea. But honestly, poor communication has been at the root of almost every argument I’ve ever heard.… Read more