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When we talk about courage, we almost never point to our heads. We usually point to our chests. The word courage comes from the French word, coeur, for heart, meaning the ability to stand by our heart or to stand by our core. What breaks our hearts or awakens our hearts gives us the courage to act. Becoming aware of what we don’t want points us toward what we do want. 

Courage is about being present. Real. Not faking it. Developing courage means letting go of other’s images of us and boldly showing people our inner world. Instead of fearless posturing, our authentic vulnerability makes us more readily available and people are drawn to our energy.… Read more

If someone else can do the job 70% as well as you can, delegate. When I offer this guideline to leaders, the reaction can be brutal. “Our customers won’t accept 70%!” or “Are you crazy? We’d go out of business in a week.”

Once people start putting this practice to work, it doesn’t take long for them to experience the power of delegation. Nothing builds the capacity of the team faster than a plan for delegation.

A reluctance to delegate insinuates an expectation of incompetence that can leave staff members feeling discouraged. As managers become better at delegating, they hover less and a more trusting environment takes over.… Read more

Few organizations know how to manage change well. The traditional approach is to focus on the failures, define the problems and fix what’s broken. The problem with this approach is that whatever we put our attention on is what grows.

When we focus on problems, mistakes and limitations, our limitations grow. When we focus on new possibilities, the possibilities grow. It is infinitely more productive and exciting to focus on new possibilities than to look at all the mistakes of the past.

Most people recognize that when we continuously criticize children, they develop an inferiority complex. What most people don’t know is that the same is true of organizations.… Read more

We can open our sessions as though we are opening a gift box with a rare gem inside. We hold our own agenda lightly as we tune into the client’s agenda. As coaches, we are not the expert, the problem solver or the one responsible for the results of the session. We don’t have to offer a life-changing piece of wisdom. We don’t have to make them change. All we need to do is witness their exploration. Witnessing becomes a building block for authentic change and empowerment.

We create safe space by including the five elements of trust: reliability, acceptance, openness, straightforwardness and caring.… Read more

Just as an artist gathers brushes, pigments and techniques, coaches have a palette of skills to use with their clients. In Chapter 3 we cover transformational coaching skills, starting with examples of each of the core skills. Then we discuss several aspects of coaching in detail— empowering questions, acknowledging, listening, wisdom of the body, emotions and uncovering the client’s agenda.

Coaching skills help us bring out the best in our clients and give them access to their full power. We can choose from a variety of techniques to help them increase awareness and move toward more satisfaction and fulfillment. Mastering the skills of coaching helps us take clients to the fullest expression of their potential.… Read more

Despite conventional perceptions, coaches don’t give advice. The whole idea is to get people to consider their situation and come to solutions on their own. The path to this understanding starts with curious, empowering questions. Empowering questions are open-ended questions that invite people to ponder, consider, open, notice, discover and awaken. They create insights, “ah-ha” moments and opportunities. Open questions invite engagement and body-mind connection.

Empowering questions typically begin with “What” or “How” and are often simple, intuitive or spontaneous. Questions that begin with “When” can also be empowering when they are not used to satisfy the coach’s desire for information that is extraneous to the client’s agenda.… Read more

Caminante, no hay puentes, se hace puentes al andar. (Voyager, there are no bridges, one builds them as one walks.) —Gloria E. Anzaldúa

Acknowledging the essence of our client, serving as a champion for their aspirations, celebrating their successes and appreciating the value they add are life-serving coaching skills.

Acknowledging the essence

Acknowledging the essence is a heart-to-heart way of seeing our clients. We acknowledge clients by sharing qualities that we see, hear and sense as the essence of the person. We do this to support them in feeling seen authentically at their core.

Examples

As I listen to you talk about speaking your truth at work I am struck by your courage.… Read more

When I “call out the power” with my clients, it brings me into my full power and unconditional love. I discover fearless love within me. I stand strong looking deep into my client’s soul-yearning. I believe in it and call it forth.

We both step into the unknown and discover the magic. It only happens when I operate from a place of deep love and faith in my client’s potential. When I am not in that space (as sometimes happens), I become judgmental, critical or demanding and that’s when I fail. My client struggles and retaliates. I become defensive, until I return to my centre, own up to my failure and restart the relationship.… Read more

To experience the moment we become increasingly comfortable with feelings and emotions. In many cultures, people deny their feelings. At home and at work, people are taught to consider feelings a sign of weakness or neurosis. As a result, many people keep their emotions under control and even claim, “I’m not feeling anything,” but the only time people aren’t feeling something is when they are dead. Even if all they can feel is numb, frozen or still, they always feel something. Helping people connect to their feelings, just sitting with how they feel, without trying to change it, leads them to a radically different awareness of their internal state.… Read more

How do we help clients build awareness of feelings in the moment? Many people are alienated or cut off from their emotional state and struggle to identify their internal reactions. If asked what they’re feeling, they identify their thoughts. Marshall Rosenberg distinguishes feelings from thoughts and asserts that starting a sentence with these words invariably means the speaker is sharing his thinking, not what he is feeling:

I feel that…

I feel you…

I feel as if…

I feel like…

I feel she…

I feel I…

Following the word “feel” immediately with an emotion (internal state) helps people connect. To relieve alienation, you can awaken capacity for experiencing feelings and support emotional awareness by asking:

What’s your internal reaction?… Read more