As emotional issues come up, our clients may experience resistance. As coaches, rather than resisting the client’s resistance, we flow with what is happening in a given moment. That doesn’t mean we just let the client wander around aimlessly or that we passively accept oppression or harm. It means when blocks or obstacles arise, we embrace them with curiosity. As a spiritual attitude, we choose to face challenges and explore resistance without trying to change it. Facing whatever troubles arise frees up all the physical and emotional energy that would otherwise be spent in resistance.

If we hear, “I don’t want to talk about that,” or “This is a waste of time,” we use our intuition as we explore.… Read more

Intuition is a broad cognitive term that refers to information, ideas, knowledge and understanding that come to us outside the rational and logical channels of thinking. It may come to us as an image, spontaneous thought, feeling or a strong sense. Intuition is a response to all that is present, right now. When we share our intuition in the moment, new possibilities can emerge. If we rely solely on our thinking, we miss out on vast sources of knowledge.

When we over-analyze or second-guess the messages that come through our body-emotional intelligence, we miss out. Worst case scenario, our hunch is not fruitful and we learn from that.… Read more

Co-facilitators can support each other by co-designing learning objectives, creating pre-session time for mutual connection, and sharing what each facilitator wants to get from the experience personally. We can set agreements about the support we want to address our personal challenges. Some requests I’ve heard co-facilitators ask:

• To help me track time, will you set a timer for 15 minutes and say, “You have about 2 more minutes”?
• Will you remind me during the debrief to celebrate disappointment and capture the learning?
• To increase alive engagement, can you support me in asking dissatisfied participants for their feedback live in the moment?

… Read more

One of my favorite books is The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope. Cope opens with a bold quote from the Book of Thomas: If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. The quote resonates deeply for me because I know this to be true from my own experiences. In my sophomore year at university, I encountered Buddhism for the first time and felt a pull in that direction. Despite the hunch, I did not pursue it because there was no clear career path in my mind.

… Read more

Leadership is a quality I’ve always admired. Every parent, teacher, community member or friend that I’ve regarded as a true leader has taught me something very special: We can learn something from everyone we meet.

I have always taken this idea to heart, and it often surprises people to discover that some of the most important teachings I’ve learned have been from my fellow addicts. What’s even more shocking to some is that these are often life lessons we can all benefit from, whether we’ve struggled with addiction or not.

Here are a few important things I’ve learned from brave individuals recovering from addiction that we can all put into practice — not only to help us become better leaders, but to become our absolute best selves.… Read more

Leaps of insight, awareness or creativity are spontaneous. When a natural opening presents itself, we can mine the vein of gold. To be in the natural flow, we recognize openings, let go of our agenda, follow our intuition and respond in the moment.

For example, a client says she is sick and tired of the same old same old. Rather than trying to fi nd a solution the same old way, the coach hears that new felt sense, interrupts and acknowledges, “What’s the easy way out of being ‘sick and tired’?”

If we get an image of the client flying, instead of deliberating the pros and cons, we can respond to that moment by saying, “I see you flying,” which may open the client to a whole new way of seeing life.… Read more

Culture plays an integral part in the socialization process by which people learn behaviors, values and beliefs. The goal of socialization is to prepare people to become active functioning members of society.¹ Generally, parents or guardians are the primary agents of socialization,2 providing social norms and order to children;³ however, secondary agents of socialization may include media, authority and educational institutions throughout life. In instances when a child belongs to the dominant group of society, the individual’s socialization process can remain seamlessly aligned— primary and secondary agents of socialization reinforce accepted behaviors, values and beliefs of society.

Latino, Asian, Black or immigrant parents living in the United States face the task of raising children able to survive and prosper in a society that devalues their ethnicity or race.… Read more

There can be no transformation of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion. – Carl Jung

In many cultures people deny their feelings. At home and at work, we’re taught to consider feelings a sign of weakness or neurosis. As a result, some people are proud to keep their emotions under control, and even claim, “I’m not feeling anything,” but the only time we aren’t feeling something is when we are dead. Even if all we can feel is numb, frozen, or still, we always feel something. Connecting to our feelings, just sitting with how we feel, without trying to change it, leads to a radically different awareness of our internal state.… Read more

One of my favorite facilitators, Campbell Plowden tells about relinquishing control and deepening his trust of his co-facilitator as they develop shared leadership:

My early memories of Ken are about his way of being in the group by showing off his intellect. When he talked about his community service in the inmate community, tutoring, teaching chess, and even when he talked about his anger, he was in his head. Inmates saw him as a smart, tough guy who was respectful, but you wouldn’t want to mess with him. I thought he was sincere, but it seemed he was trying to earn his place in the group through bravado.… Read more

Leading a workshop on conflict resolution, I said, “Sometimes people just want to vent. When you give them a chance to be heard, you can actually prevent conflict.”

My co-facilitator gave me a nod of affirmation, “Yes, I’ve seen that happen,” then turned to the participants and said, “and there’s some recent research that shows that venting tends to escalate the conflict. So use your intuition and notice the underlying intention before you encourage venting.”

My partner disagreed with me in front of a group, but with the absence of judgment, few people recognized it as a disagreement. Our opinions differed by about 180 degrees, yet she knew how to express her opposition without stimulating distress in me or others..… Read more