It takes a lot of heart and fierceness to facilitate groups that seek social change. At the root of the French word coeur (heart) is the word courage. It takes courage to sit in the fire with people as they uncover their passion and rage, and rise out of the ashes to co-create a better future. We start by creating a safe place for people to come together to connect across differences and make choices that benefit all of us. I trust that people want to open their hearts to each other, even when they claim they don’t. This is not business as usual, because we engage people at a deep level, using more than just their brains.… Read more

As a coach, I work with plenty of people who have a wicked inner critic. Even people with bold self confidence wrangle with their worst critic—themselves. My co-facilitator Richard Michaels has a client who used to say, “If my assistant talked to me the way I talk to myself, I’d fire her.” With some coaching from a fierce champion, he learned to hold himself more gently.

Instead of judging ourselves for judging ourselves, we can learn to make friends with our inner experience and transform judgments into awareness of our deepest needs. When we judge ourselves, we are expressing an unmet need.… Read more

Transformational social change empowers people to connect with their inner power. Instead of holding power over someone, social change leaders discover that power with others comes from deep connection. Shared power helps us unleash our collective creativity and contribute to human evolution. By connecting with our common values that lay just beneath our conflicting strategies, we can transform ourselves into more loving, peaceful states.

There are hundreds of thousands of social change initiatives. A few that I’m especially inspired by:

• A former mountain climber, Gregg Mortenson brings people together to build schools in Pakistan to alleviate poverty, improve education (especially for girls), and reduce Islamic extremism in the region.

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Sometimes I get impatient when clients get stuck, but my impatience contributes to the problem. My business partner, Virginia Kellogg, has helped me understand the beauty of resistance. She says:

If we feel ourselves “grinding away” trying to push people through their resistance, we can simply stop and go into the experience of the resistance. Getting really curious about the resistance rather than trying to get people out of the resistance comes from tuning our listening to that energetic stance of “arms out in front, holding something at bay. There is no need to do anything about it, no need to direct them out of it, and no need to rescue them from their resistance.”… Read more

Occasionally our co-facilitator gets triggered, sidetracked or loses connection.  Even our most trusted co-facilitators can have a rough moment or a bad day. Below are some examples of responses to some common situations that arise in co-facilitation.

What do we do when our co-facilitator:

Becomes animated about his own ideas when the participant runs out of ideas? Notice and acknowledge his excitement and ask where the participant is in the process.

Loses the energy of the room by working with a participant who starts the process energized, but by the end of the session looks deflated? Check in with the participant and the group, name observations, and hold space for whatever arises.… Read more

I’ve written way too many proposals. Over the years, I’ve learned never to write a proposal until we already have an oral agreement. The proposal merely validates the agreement.

When someone in an organization asks for a proposal, I used to think that meant they were ready to move forward. It doesn’t. It means they are fishing or blowing me off or considering someone else and using me to show they’ve done their due diligence. I can spend a lot of time writing a great proposal, but unless I have the agreement first, I’m wasting my time. I assert that after you make a strong connection, get in touch with their pain, offer a program that will relieve that pain, and come to an agreement about money and logistics, then you’re ready for the proposal.… Read more

Washing one’s hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means toside with the powerful, not to be neutral. — Paulo Freire 

The term “social conditioning” refers to the ways individuals are taught what is acceptable in social situations. For example, we are taught early on in school not to shout out an answer. Through both negative and positive reinforcement, students learn to raise their hands and wait to be called on before speaking in class. This mini-lesson is transferred from the classroom into other aspects of our lives—in situations where we see something happening that we don’t agree with yet hesitate before sharing our thoughts, or wonder if anyone cares what we have to say about a situation that may not be “any of our business.”… Read more

I think we have to own the fears that we have of each other, and then, in some practical way, some daily way, figure out how to see people differently than the way we were brought up to. — Alice Walker

As coaches, we co-create a relationship with our clients that invites their authenticity, discovery, aliveness, alignment with core values and courageous action. This is not always so straightforward with people from outside of mainstream cultures who have learned to hold back parts of themselves in order to make it in the world. We can call forth those hidden parts by building trust, creating open, vulnerable partnerships and by giving and inviting authenticity.… Read more

Although a few people have the initiative and support they need to take themselves to the top of their game, most people need a lot of help. A coaching culture empowers authentic, strong leadership at all levels of the organization. Whether an organization uses external or internal professional coaches, or develops peer coaching relationships within the organization, a coaching culture helps people bring their heart and soul to work.

Coaches hold people accountable for the actions they say are important to them. Organizations that establish coaching cultures encourage 360º connections where people seek out coaching relationships in all directions. They proactively coach their peers, direct reports, bosses, customers and even family members.… Read more

Spirit is like a mega support system. This perspective meshes with the view that we each have a soul imperative in this world. We can see spirit as whatever we lean on as our connection to oneness. It might be helpful to consider spirituality as a relationship with spirit (or the universe, or the higher purpose, or God—however your clients view it). For Lily, the earth itself is the place she leans into to notice and understand her place in the oneness. For Raji, leaning on Ganesh to remove obstacles brings him into a state of awe and wonder. The understanding of spirit will be different for each of our clients, and part of our job is to hold that unique view for each of them.… Read more