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An Interview With Richard Michaels

Omega: How can coaching play a role in social change?

Richard: Meaningful social change is built on a foundation of connection and understanding. Deep listening and empowering questions are two coaching tools that support these basic and profound tools.

When we listen with full attention and an open mind, we relate to others through our direct experience rather than through filters of the past. It opens the window to our commonalities and seeing the inherent value of others. We view our differences within a new context wherein those very differences enhance what is possible.

Questions stimulate our conscious and unconscious mind to see into the heart of the matter.… Read more

Practices for cultivating and maintaining trust

If I would have to choose one word which is always relevant to the personal and professional journey of any Change-Maker; one word which is a key factor in the success of each project, initiative or team work; one word which is significant to leaders as well as to educators, to individuals as well as to entire communities – That word is TRUST.

Why trust?

Because it is at the core of our activities as leaders in a world of social-environmental-educational-economical transformations and paradigm shifts. Because it’s a necessary component for a thriving, sustainable and healthy human society.… Read more

…and get a solid return on your investment

7 Steps for Coaching is no longer restricted to private conversations for the privileged few at the top. It’s not just a perk for rising stars. Today coaching is woven into the culture of the organization and impacts people at every level.The research is clear… coaching improves performance, collaboration and output. For more than 20 years, coaching has been a key component of leadership development programs and nearly all large organizations develop top performers by using external coaches or developing internal coaches.1 Developing a coaching culture is a game changer that shifts the way people work together.

… Read more

Making Friends with Your Inner Judge

1. What makes you difficult? What do you DO that stimulates you to think of yourself as difficult?
2. What does your inner JUDGE say about your actions? 
3. What are your feelings connected to each judgment?
4. What are your unmet needs connected to each judgment?

1. Action: I chose to co-facilitate with someone who did not have the competencies I expected. 

2. Inner Judge:	3. Feelings	4. Needs
I’m so stupid, could ruin my reputation	disappointed	recognition
I’ve never been wrong about people before	shocked	trust my intuition
I was duped by his on-line articulation	bewildered	careful choice

Making Friends with Your Inner Chooser

1. Think again about what you DO that stimulates you to think of yourself as difficult.

… Read more

1. Trigger – 

The first step is capturing some stimulating moments, the words or events, the “trigger” with no censoring – anything goes. Not telling anyone else, just acknowledging something came up with some charge for me. Remembering, when I focus on wrongness or blame, my attention can easily move to seeking someone to punish. It might be I want to punish the other person for treating me poorly, or I may kick myself for being stupid or not learning better. I mention the “trigger” below and move to step 2.

2. Observation –

The second step is to translate this stimulus/trigger into a simple, neutral description (no judgments or labels) – what took place; an observation.… Read more

What is empathy?  

1. A way to connect with 
   1. how it is for the person
   2. what they are trying to convey
   3. a deeper essence of what is going on in them

Why?

1. To connect with others
2. To understand others
3. To increase my capacity to be compassionate (pleasurable and empowering) 
4. To contribute to another’s well-being
   1. their need for connection with another person
   2. their need for understanding
   3. their need for clarity
   4. their need for compassion/self-compassion

How? 

1. By focusing our attention on feelings and needs

When to speak it aloud?

1. To deepen the quality of our connection: 
   1. when I want to check if my understanding matches their experience
   2. when I sense the person wants confirmation they’re understood
2. When I sense it would support the person’s clarity or deeper self-connection (use this with discretion and caution)

For more articles like this, go to the www.authenticcommunicationgroup.com… Read more

When a person is telling us of a struggle they are having, there are many ways we can respond.  There is a specific type of response described in Nonviolent Communication, called the empathic guess, or empathic inquiry, or sometimes just referred to as empathy.  There are many other ways of responding.  We are not saying that any response is good or bad in itself.  We just want to clarify at this point what empathy is not.

Non-Empathic Responses 

1. Judging:   criticizing the person or their point of view.
   1. I can’t believe you…
   2. You’re so…
2. Consoling: 
   1. Oh you poor thing…
3. Interpreting: telling the person what their motives are
   1. I think you’re doing this because
4. Spiritual Bypass: 
   1. If you trust in God/Universe/Higher Power it’ll work out. 

… Read more

1. Self Empathy

Think of a time when things didn’t go as well as you would like.

• What happened? 
• How did you feel?
• What needs of yours were unfulfilled?

2. Empathy Guesses for Another

What were you telling yourself about this person?

• What could the person feel?
• What could the person be needing?

3. Honest Self Expression

If you weren’t being careful, what would you say to this person? Translate:

• Observation
• Feeling
• Need
• Request

For more articles like this, go to the www.authenticcommunicationgroup.com … Read more

Steps:

1. Talk about the value of self empathy.
2. Look in the mirror for 2 minutes. 
3. Write down your thoughts on sticky notes and place them on the mirror – 3 minutes.
4. As you take each sticky note off the mirror, unpack each thought using OFN – 5 minutes.
5. You can see yourself again! 
6. Share your experience with a partner and get empathy. 10 minutes each way.
7. Debrief the learning.
8. Put the group seated close together as witnesses. Each person sits in front of the group 
9. one at a time and looks in the mirror, says I love you to self, and then looks at each person in the group. 

… Read more

Exercise 1: Observation or Evaluation?

Which statements include observations, free of evaluation? Translate statements with  evaluations into possible observations.

1. “Raj pounded on the table and said he was tired of the tone police.”

2. “Jane didn’t ask me to come to the affinity group meeting.”

3. “My boss is a good manager.”

4. “Lila works long hours.”

5. “Bob was furious with me yesterday and he left for no reason.”

6. “Mika has a lot of power.”

7. “Shaun was the first one to leave every day this week.”

8. “The two teams rarely speak to each other.”

9. “Tony told me my filing system was amazing.”

10. “Wasim complained about me and implied that I was insensitive to people from the global south.”

… Read more