Category Archives: Uncategorized

1. Self Empathy

Think of a time when things didn’t go as well as you would like.

• What happened? 
• How did you feel?
• What needs of yours were unfulfilled?

2. Empathy Guesses for Another

What were you telling yourself about this person?

• What could the person feel?
• What could the person be needing?

3. Honest Self Expression

If you weren’t being careful, what would you say to this person? Translate:

• Observation
• Feeling
• Need
• Request

For more articles like this, go to the www.authenticcommunicationgroup.com … Read more

Steps:

1. Talk about the value of self empathy.
2. Look in the mirror for 2 minutes. 
3. Write down your thoughts on sticky notes and place them on the mirror – 3 minutes.
4. As you take each sticky note off the mirror, unpack each thought using OFN – 5 minutes.
5. You can see yourself again! 
6. Share your experience with a partner and get empathy. 10 minutes each way.
7. Debrief the learning.
8. Put the group seated close together as witnesses. Each person sits in front of the group 
9. one at a time and looks in the mirror, says I love you to self, and then looks at each person in the group. 

… Read more

Exercise 1: Observation or Evaluation?

Which statements include observations, free of evaluation? Translate statements with  evaluations into possible observations.

1. “Raj pounded on the table and said he was tired of the tone police.”

2. “Jane didn’t ask me to come to the affinity group meeting.”

3. “My boss is a good manager.”

4. “Lila works long hours.”

5. “Bob was furious with me yesterday and he left for no reason.”

6. “Mika has a lot of power.”

7. “Shaun was the first one to leave every day this week.”

8. “The two teams rarely speak to each other.”

9. “Tony told me my filing system was amazing.”

10. “Wasim complained about me and implied that I was insensitive to people from the global south.”

… Read more

This process is developed by Sarah Peyton and Susan Skye, both CNVC-trainers, and adapted by Pernille Plantener.

Make sure to practice the process several times with a peer both ways before offering it to clients. Respect hesitation and reluctance as an expression of protectors stepping in. Remember: Protectors are there for a reason and respecting them is respecting the client and the whole system.

This outline does NOT equip you to work with clients who experience severe childhood trauma. We encourage you to check your gut feeling as you engage in this process. Both coach and client can step out at any moment.… Read more

By Jay Earley, PhD
with NVC empathic responses by Pernille Plantener.

The empathy guesses in Italics are suggestions for how to empathize with the critic itself, the exile it is protecting, and the opposite of the critic, which often enters the scene in defense when the critic is harsh.

In our study of the Inner Critic, we have identified the following seven types of Inner Critics that people are troubled by:

Perfectionist
This critic tries to get you to do things perfectly.
It sets high standards for the things you produce and has difficulty saying something is complete and letting it go out to represent you.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Sometimes we refer to parts as energies. In seeking the gift that each part brings, we put our attention on their energy, which can reveal their underlying purpose. Even if a part is frustrated, angry or hurt, underneath is the life force. When we feel the core of the anger or pain, we fully accept the emotions and create space for the fullness of their expression.

At the center of longing is pure energy. Connect with that pure energy and the heavens open. Just sitting with the pure energy of a part can be a deeply satisfying, mystical experience.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Listening to parts is usually very simple as long as we hold respect. Perhaps the trickiest part of the process is noticing when a new part comes into the system. But how do we know if it’s the same part or a different part? The telltale sign is a shift in emotion or energy. The body or the voice might shift too. When a part expresses a radical change in its belief or shifts to holding a new set of values, that’s usually a sign that another part has decided to speak.

If the Strict Parent part suddenly says, “Well maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to give the children more freedom to make their own choices and mistakes,” that’s not the Strict Parent part having an epiphany, it’s the Lenient Parent wanting to be heard.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Instead of talking about the parts, we talk about the parts. We invite parts to speak for themselves, to share their viewpoint, feelings, and needs in their own words. Parts express surprise and delight when they finally get a chance to speak. Even more important, when they learn that the client is truly eager to listen—that’s where the healing begins.

Just like people, parts want to be known and appreciated. Thanking these parts for their service goes a long way toward helping them feel valued.

Many parts will speak of their own accord without much prompting.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

One of the ways clients can continue to work with parts is to ask them to practice Active Imagination as homework. Active Imagination is a Jungian technique developed to help people interpret their dreams. Like writing a play, we write a script, speaking with a part that appeared in our dream or in our psyche. In writing, we ask the part why it has appeared now. Then, imagining we are the part, we include the part’s response in the script, and continue the dialog by asking curious questions such as: What is your role? What do you do?… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Most parts do not want or need to be transformed. They just need to be heard. Once clients integrate the information from multiple parts, they can make informed decisions about what changes they wish to make.

Above all else, parts need to be loved exactly as they are. If they get a hint that we are trying to change them, they interpret that as judgment, and rightly so. Coaches can get into trouble if we imply there is anything wrong with the part. One whiff of that and the part feels misunderstood and loses trust.… Read more